Monday 24 November 2014

Welcome and Finally

Welcome to my blog. This has been in the making for over a year and I finally feel confident enough to post and publish reviews and creative pieces. Currently I have three sections on this blog: Home, for any announcements and updates I would like to share; Book Reviews, a collection of all the book reviews I wrote in the past year; Creative Corner, a place where I have been encouraged to share my writings.
The book reviews are taken from my Goodreads account. I have been participating in the 2014 Goodreads Reading Challenge and decided to share my opinions and general thoughts after finishing each book. 
The Creative Corner represents a different challenge for me. As I try to write on a regular basis again, I also made it my goal to share these pieces of creative writing in this blog. With each written piece my intention is to express creativity, reflect life and at times even question reality. Above all, I mean no harm.
With that said, welcome once more and enjoy.

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

One may say that friendship is an integral and important part of a person's life. The existence of a friend to confide in and to share secrets with, someone that accepts us as we are and make us feel loved is something most people love, cherish, sometimes take for granted, but are always aware of its significance. Most people, but not all. Such is the case of Catherine Montenegro. A bright young woman, intelligent, very pretty and cold as a fish. She is of the opinion that friends, friendship or the spending of “quality time” with other people when not discussing topics that expands the human mind in an efficient and academic way is just not worth it. Although her fellow classmates and people in her age group always say that these years are crucial to finding themselves through experimenting, it wasn't the sort of experimenting she was willing to participate in. And she was sure that those were the only experiments they were conducting. Therefore, as every young, ambitious and already very successful woman with her goals and head screwed on the right way would do she ignored them. All of them, she couldn't bother.
It was a dark, grizzly Tuesday in late November, zero hours of sunlight, Catherine checked before leaving the house eight hours earlier. She was sitting on the city bus heading back home to the more suburban and wealthier part of town where her aunt and legal guardian owned her stylish and modern four bedrooms, four bathrooms (two of those with jacuzzi bathtub and en-suite), centre-isle kitchen, fully finished basement, large backyard and a two-car garage house. Catherine was a single child, her parents died in a car accident on their way back from Banff. They left Catherine with said aunt for a two week romantic retreat in a desperate attempt to safe their failing marriage after both participated in extra marital activities. Dr. John Montenegro and Prof. Camilla Montenegro, successful as they were, weren't capable of keeping their professional lives separate from their private lives, Consequently, Dr. Montenegro found himself helpless in the arms and voluptuous bosom of the head of the paediatric department, whereas Prof. Montenegro found the fire and stamina of a grad intern irresistible. The unhappy and guilt ridden couple booked a cozy chalet hidden in the heart of the Rocky Mountain winter wonderland to give themselves time and opportunity to “figure things out”. On the day of their departure they drove their rented car back to the rental lot when the doctor lost control on an icy road, plunging their midnight blue Mercedes into a creek, killing both.
That was 15 years ago. Catherine is now 25, for anyone who asks her if she still remembers her parents, she gives a slight nod of the head with eyes turned to the floor. According to societal protocol that is what one is supposed to do when asked personal questions about deceased family members. It doesn't matter if the person asking is out of line or not close enough to the surviving relative to ask such questions, Catherine has ascertained that in such delicate manners the right for privacy is nullified. Catherine also noticed that no one is actually interested in the truth. When faced by death, the dying or the fact that we all die, people seek comfort in the surreal, sometimes even in the absurd to make sense of the unshakable and inexplicable truth of the conclusion of life as we know it. Catherine did not really care. Her knowledge was based in scientific facts. Matters of the here and now. Her parents lived, gave her life, raised her until their death and made sure that she was cared for in case of the unforeseeable. She was then raised by another very successful offspring of the Montenegro clan, Dr. Joan Hamill, once married, once divorced and sister of the deceased Dr. Montenegro. Catherine's education was of the finest. It was rooted in elementary physics and chemistry with her favourite subject being biology. The top of every class she ever took (excluding the nonsensical requirement of physical education), she was motivated, supported and pointed in the right direction, the path of a great and bright future as an academic genius. In Catherine's view her parents were fine people, who did their best, giving her the genetic foundation of great intelligence and success and for acquiring legal guardianship from another great mind that understands and values the importance of nurturing intelligence.
With her tote stuffed to the brim with books, Catherine stepped off at her usual bus stop at the corner of Morningside Dr. and Aspen Lane Park and slowly walked through the remaining leafs still stuck to the wet sidewalks that the wind has not yet blown away. It was a quarter past three o'clock and it was almost as pitch dark as late at night. Thankfully the street lights started to illuminate the street with their warm orange glow and the automatically timed Christmas lights began to pop up along the familiar strip of Aspen Lane Park, as Catherine took this walk for the last time.

“I'm here!” Catherine called through the empty house, with the echo coming back hollow and cold.

“In the kitchen!” came the equally hollow and cold reply from the back of the main floor. “How was your appointment? And the Library?” Joan asks as she saw her niece approach. She noticed a slight slouch in her walk and a defeated look on her face.

“Fine. Kind of pointless, since I won't be going back. The library was not bad. Unfortunately, they still haven't caught up with time yet. Not enough outlets for laptops, nor seating in general and they lost the books I put on hold while having lunch in the nearby plaza. Of course, that was my fault”, Catherine could feel her blood pressure rising again at the stupidity she had to endure from the sleepy looking librarian before embarking on the search for her books by herself.

“At least you ate, we have a bit of a drive ahead of us.”

“uhm.”

Dr. Joan Hamill, tired of the city life and exhausted from emergency room shifts and multiple stabbings and shooting victims, took the advice of an old friend of hers and decided to join forces with her in a small town two hours north of the hustling and bustling city she called home all her life. St. Micheal’s Memorial Hospital is in the picturesque town of Woodbridge. Catherine claimed it is nothing more than a village. At the beginning of the year Joan ran into an old friend from her undergraduate years, at a conference held in the hospital she worked in and found out that this friend, Patricia Langley, was director of internal affairs at said St. Micheal's Memorial Hospital in Woodbridge. Not long after their reunion Patricia was informed of an impending opening at the hospital in their family planning unit. Joan had shared her grief of lack of job satisfaction and was encouraged to apply for the position, if she was serious about starting a new life. Obtaining the position was the easy part considering the difficulty Joan faced the day she wanted to break the news to Catherine. Catherine was hopeful of obtaining a part-time position in the lab in the hospital and had volunteered many hours in order to impress anyone and everyone just to obtain some field experience, preferably in exchange for money. However, these new plans of Joan's went against all that Catherine was hoping for. One may wonder why a woman of 25 years of age cannot just move out and start her own life. Catherine was financially dependent on her aunt, since the intelligence and foresight of her parents did not extend to their financial matters. Even after the house the Montenegro family owned was stripped and sold for all it was worth, there was no money left to invest in a long lasting trust fund for Catherine. The little bit money that her parents began to put aside for her educational endeavours ran dry long ago, as Joan promised her brother before his death that she would make sure that her little niece received the best that money could get. Furthermore, having suffered an infected and consequently ruptured appendix a bit over two years ago resulted in Catherine missing her final exams and the following two semesters due to complications during her recovery. She was able to obtain an aegrotat standing for the semester she attended classes; however, the time was lost and she missed her seamless transition from undergraduate to graduate studies. Dealing with such a setback is more difficult for some people than for others. For Catherine it was a tragedy and caused her to experience extreme anxiety, lack of appetite, insomnia and made the life for everyone around her a complete hell on earth. Based on a preliminary psychological evaluation she was not really a threat to herself in the sense of accomplishing severe and permanent damage, but her behaviour with its main goal being to catch up with the rest of her generation, at least the intelligent part that was able to continue their studies without any unnecessary interruptions, was alarming.

Joan was singing along with the radio loudly as the city, the lights and the noise smoothly transitioned into picturesque landscapes of Victorian style houses, four-way stop signs and the first traces of snow that actually stayed on the ground.

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells rock, jingle bells pop and jingle bells knock...” she belched out as loud as she could, while Catherine rolled her eyes in sheer agony and wondered if the stray cat she just saw was about to walk backwards as even it could hear the horrific sounds Joan called “singing”.

“Please, Joan, for the love of God! If you sing along, please listen to the lyrics and try to stay on key, unless you are declaring psychological war on me. I'm begging you, please. And besides, who plays Christmas songs in November?” Catherine was sure this was only the first of many small, yet overpowering differences between city and country life. Before too long she would find her overenthusiastic and slightly mid-life crisis plagued aunt in the kitchen, making apple sauce from scratch while watching the Martha Stewart channel.

“Relax and who cares if the words don't match the song, it's fun. You know, you can let down your hair a bit, too. This is the country, things move slower here. People still appreciate life and nature and all its beauty and not just their extra venti soy mocha late. Which reminds me, have you heard from that one girl that's supposed to be attending school at the Woodbridge campus?”

“I like my hair in a bun, it keeps it out of my face. And what girl are you talking about?”

“The one from your psychology class? The one with the book, the same one you had? You know?” Joan knew she was testing Catherine's patience with each additional question, but she hadn't given up hope yet that one day her niece would actually make a real friend.

“Everyone in that class has the same textbook, so that doesn't really narrow it down. If you are referring to the fine arts student, who happened to have the same copy of “War and Peace” by Leo Tolstoy, her name is Natalie. Yes, she will continue her graduate work at the Woodbridge campus.”

“Excellent! Maybe you can get a coffee together and talk about art and literature. You have so much in common.”


“Sure and Christmas comes in November here in Woodbridge.”

Knocks

Knocks of politeness
Knocks of invitations
Knocks of deliveries
Knocks of deliverance
Knocks that should never have been
And knocks that never will be
Intrusion of privacy that sees the nakedness of body and soul
Privacy that never was and is now feared will never be.

Darkness

Seven stories high
Noises loud and shadows high
In the darkness sounds have no body
But during the day I have nobody
In darkness lights shine bright with hope and warmth
Lights that promise hope of peace and harmony
By day the wrath of structure and discipline rules
Expectations of adult sense and logic burn as hot as the mid-day's sun
In darkness I can vanish from the scolding hand
As I take comfort in the light that never shines.

Sunday 23 November 2014

So, you're from Germany, eh?

I was born and raised in Berlin, Germany, meaning my first language is German. I grew up eating everything potato for dinner and my choice of beverage was cooled hibiscus tea. Although I grew up in a fairly German household, Germany is known to be home to a great number of European immigrants, mostly from the eastern countries. My homeroom in elementary, middle and high school was at least 50% non-German, so my friends belonged to a variety of different religions and backgrounds and spoke languages that were not German as their first tongue. I was used to this mix of cultures, even though as a child of German ancestry I did comment on my non-German friends in various stereotypical and sometimes even downright racist ways, not knowing what I was exactly saying. The point here being, I was a child, who was still driven by youthful ignorance, and later on these incidences had us all more laughing than holding grudges. On my 15th birthday my family stepped on a plane Canada-bound to begin a new life in the great white north and contrary to the almost fairytale-like stories the German media told its German audience about Canada and the simple lifestyles that await any and all who dare to live here, there were some rough patches for me along the way before I could really and truly feel at home. Among these, which startled and shocked me greatly the first time I was exposed to them, were the very single-minded viewpoints people in Ontario had about Germans. I began to feel ashamed of my heritage and origin and would only indicate that I am from Europe, if anyone asked me where I am from. But I get ahead of myself. One of the very first things we did after arriving in the town of W and finding a place to live, was register my brother and I in school. My mom, our very friendly neighbour, who took us under her wing, and I made our way to the principal's office in the high school I was about to attend for the next three years and ultimately graduate from with more than just a small sigh of relief of finally having made it out without any permanent damage. I remember a tall, middle aged man, the principal named Mr. L, looking down on me, a mere 5-foot 98-pound girl with oversized metal-framed glasses, asking me a question. At this point in my life I had about five years of English lessons as part of the German school curriculum, which were about as helpful in this nerve wrecking situation as a crash course in Chinese given underwater. His voice seemed extremely deep, the words had a tendency of melting into one another and his face appeared to have adopted an obvious shade of red as he asked me the only question I could clearly understand: “And you want to attend this school?” I was thinking to myself that the answer should be quite obvious, since I was sitting across from him in his intimidating, but rather dark office on a bleak and grey November morning. I nodded my head and croaked and shy “Yes”. The series of events that followed I can only remember with a dreamlike surreality, since I found it impossible that a grown man would have the need to put down a mere 15-year-old girl with such coldness. He made it clear that for any student to be successful at this school, they would have to prove knowledge of the English language (straight forward enough), he then proceeded to slam a booklet down in front of me with the page open to about two or three paragraphs from which I was supposed to read. With as much enthusiasm and German language reading skills I possess (Germans like to read with emphasis and lots of expression, identifying each type of punctuation specifically and succinctly with various breaks in the reading flow) I began to read...I started to stumble over words and unfamiliar phrases and as the realization of the type of literature I was reading dawned on me I looked up in disbelief. He had given me a page out of the handbook for school procedures to read, specifically what to do during a fire drill. I wondered, if this was really my only chance to show my level of education and my 92% average I achieved in Berlin. If it hadn't been for my mom's insistence that I be given a chance at this school for a semester I would have ended up in an immigrants school (not that there is anything wrong with it, but he seemed rather too enthusiastic to send me away instead of giving me an opportunity). As we were leaving his office he smiled at me and pointed out that I am indeed a girl and will therefore very soon have a boyfriend. I think that was my first encounter with a male, who sexually objectified females. I later found out that this principal had a general dislike towards immigrants and foreign students and had no problem showing this dislike. I started school three weeks before the end of the first semester and was therefore placed into four random classes. Within the first week of the second semester I experienced my second encounter of humiliation by an authority figure. I was in math class and was called out to finished the fraction problem that was on the board. Nervous and still very aware of the thick German accent that would turn every “w” into a “v” and every “v” into a “w”, I drew a blank; 25 students were listening to me, students I didn't know, didn't recognize and I missed my friends or even just a familiar face terribly. Half way through my desperate question as to what the variable underneath the fraction is called, my math teacher interrupted me impatiently and informed me that if I plan on making it in this school, I better learn the language. I was stunned into silence. Humiliated, I went home after school and put up a brave front until the next morning, at which time I broke down crying, not understanding the world. Mom and I looked up the word in the dictionary (denominator, really, I should have known, since the German equivalent is “nominator”, but my nerves got to me and I dared to ask for help). I made a cheat sheet and hid it inside my math book. If this book is still used today, that piece of paper can still be found wedged in securely between the first two pages. I was encouraged to talk to my math teacher to express the inappropriateness of her comment in front of the entire class and my understanding that knowing and learning English is imperative to succeeding in school. And so I did. By the end of the second semester I earned an 81% average and a spot on the school's honour roll. My ability to keep up in class was never doubted again, but unfortunately the differences in cultures and the stereotypes some people still had with respect to Europeans as well as Germans was mind boggling. Once I started speaking, about four months into my time at high school, I was affectionately called “German Jenni”, weird and different, loud yet quiet, brutally honest and a bit too blunt at times. However, when people, and by people I mean other students in school, tried to get a rise out me, I was surprised and even shocked how many negatively charged words they put in association with Germany and the German people: Nazi, war, cold-hearted, unfriendly, porn, the list goes on. With time I was able to tune these ignorant comments out, but a new phase of stereotypical treatment was awaiting me as I embarked on my first relationship with a boy. I am not sure exactly why he was interested in me, but comments of my exoticism and unique way of spelling my name came up as some of the reasons. At first these treatments were small enough to go unnoticed or I just checked them off as insignificant, until a new low was reached a few years into our relationship. It must have been in September when apples were in season, M grabbed one from the fruit bowl in his kitchen and held it up to me. He said: “This is an apple, you rub it on your pants to clean it off the dirt, like so,” he then rubbed the apple back and forth on his jeans rotating it to cover the entire surface, he bit into it and holding it up again to show the bite mark. I was speechless, dumbstruck, unable to form a sentence to let him know that I am from Germany and not the North Pole. At a comedy club, a year after the apple incident, the comedian asked if there were any tourists in the audience and could they please identify themselves by a raised hand. M grabbed my wrist and yanked it into the air. I yanked my arm away and asked what he was doing, his answer: “Well, you are from Germany, so you are a tourist in this country,” by this time I had my permanent resident status for four years. The relationship ended, but my desire to leave my German accent behind and the constant and nagging questions of what I am with respect to my nationality and identity remained. I moved on, went to university and became another Jenn amongst the many students from many different nationalities and languages. The question of whether I am still purely German or already half Canadian seemed insignificant, even though I kept wondering if I should apply for my Canadian citizenship. Unfortunately, Germany forces one to choose and dual citizenship is a rare exception and I wasn't ready to leave that part of me behind. Fast forward to the moment I met the man of my dreams, B: a Canadian with French, Hungarian and Irish roots, who pledges his love to the Great White North, loves everything potato and thinks it's sexy when I speak German. The question of national identity didn't matter anymore for me and the stereotypical treatments had stopped years ago, I felt good, I felt I belonged. Until one family dinner with the future in-laws two years ago turned abruptly into a pecking party of the Canadian government's leniency to allow non-Canadians to remain in the country, a topic started by the mother. As with the apple scenario years ago, I was stunned into complete silence as the woman, who sooner rather than later will become my “mother-in-law” began to insult my permission to stay in Canada and my decision to keep my German Passport: “Why do people, who don't have Canadian citizenship stay in this country? Why don't they just all apply for the Canadian passport or go back where they came from? I don't understand why the government still allows it?” I have never felt so uncomfortable and unwelcomed in someone's home before. I was deeply humiliated, mortified and extremely angry. I had no idea such form of racism could be extended to someone, who is about to become part of the family. Less than a week ago I celebrated my 30th birthday and with that the 15th anniversary of immigrating to Canada. From this day onward I will spend more time in Canada than I have ever in Germany. From time to time, after another hair-raising and patience-testing meeting with the mother, I would sarcastically joke that I don't know what I am talking about, because I am only a foreigner. It doesn't really matter, B loves my German cooking, sits on the couch with me and watches German soap operas once in a while to learn German. We enjoy our life together in this great Canadian city, our friends come from all over the world, which always makes for a great time and at the end I can only say that Canada has given me a home and my national identity is mine to make.

Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse

SiddharthaSiddhartha by Hermann Hesse
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I was already in the middle of reading two other books when I decided to pick up Siddhartha, mostly because the one book (an ebook) was too spine tingling to read late at night in bed, while the other was a print book that would have been too straining on the eyes to read in bed with minimal light. The main reason for deciding to read Siddhartha now, was my impending 30th birthday and the mini mid-life crisis I was experiencing. So, in the hope of finding some advice or soothing comfort, I embarked on this journey of classic German literature in German.
I haven't read any classic German literature in German in 15 years and it was such a pleasure reading a language that can be so intricate, complex and beautiful.
With respect to the story and the protagonist, I feel slightly bad for admitting that I wished Siddhartha could have gone through a bit more hardship in order to achieve what he was searching for all his life. I found he was very unappreciative of the life and friends he had and I felt a bit cheated by the ending the author chose for him and especially the manner in which he did end it.
However, it was a great narration that gave plenty for me to think about and reevaluate that which we in the 21st century consider important in life.
I do not want to exaggerate, but I really do believe that everyone should read this little narration at one point during their adulthood.


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If I stay by Gayle Forman

If I Stay (If I Stay, #1)If I Stay by Gayle Forman
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I can't really comment too much on this story, since I would unintentionally give part of the story's intent away.
In general, I have to say that it was a good story. It addressed a few topics that could provide much food for thought.
It was mostly centered around the main character, Mia, who has a sense of humour, is a bit feisty and possesses the usual adolescent insecurities, we all know and have lived through.
The plot is interesting, adolescent-focused, but mature enough for a wider audience. I appreciated the jumps back and forth between the past and the present as it never focused too long on one specific scene, yet still was able to tie the entire story nicely together.
The narration was very well done. The reader accompanies Mia through her experience as she narrated it herself. The teenage romance is ideally portrayed to invoke sympathy and a degree of mushy feelings without causing the reader to start rolling their eyes or shaking their head in disbelief.
This story was a quick read that had me invested in it until the end. It was a nice change of my usual choice of books and I do not regret reading it.

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The Bookman's Tale by Charlie Lovett

The Bookman’s TaleThe Bookman’s Tale by Charlie Lovett
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

When I began reading this story I had no idea what it would be about and what exactly would be in store for me. Therefore, it seemed that every page and every chapter was another puzzle piece in my journey to solve the mystery of the book as well as the story being told. Generally speaking I enjoyed reading this story; however, I have a few minor points worth discussing that could have been accomplished differently.
Characters: I understand that the protagonist is a grieving husband and therefore might not be as stable as a person/character that is not emotionally exhausted and frail, but that was only the tip of the iceberg with respect to my confusion of the author's decision to create him in such a manner. Throughout the story it become quite evident that, even though this character is socially awkward, he has no hesitation considering himself better than most other people in the story. This, I found, takes away from the sympathetic nature the author is aiming to achieve, as well as the overall quality of the story. The wife, as described by the husband throughout the story, is portrayed as almost saint-like. Obviously, this is part of the grieving process the husband goes through. I just began to grow very tired of reading about this superwoman, who had neither fault nor real personality. It felt like the author took this opportunity to create his ideal woman within the pages of this story.
Plot: I enjoyed the plot, the mystery and the intrigue very much. I had my suspicion about a few details, but overall the plot creation surpassed the character creation by a landslide.
Narration: My comments with respect to the narration will closely tie in with those of the character comments. As the narration was given from the perspective of the husband, it is impossible not to mention the amount of cheesiness that were included in the flashbacks that center around his wife. I found these to be overly done and had me fight an eye-roll here and there, rather than feeling sympathy and delight at reading the description of a great relationship.
It is remarkable and very interesting to read a story that lacks in character development and narration, but makes up for it with the plot. It is still a very good story and I recommend it to book lovers and mystery enthusiasts.

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Stolen Songbird by Danielle L. Jensen

Stolen Songbird (The Malediction Trilogy, #1)Stolen Songbird by Danielle L. Jensen
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

What an epic fantasy tale! I adored this story from the beginning until the last page. I have had this book for a while and I was always hesitant to start reading it, because fantasy is not really my forte; however I was proven wrong and I am glad. I didn't want to write this review, because this would prove my acceptance that the story was actually over...for now and waiting the countless months until the second installment is to be published was just too much for me to handle. Needless to say, the last time I was this excited about a fantasy series was during the reign of Harry Potter.
The story as a whole was a straight forward one, without any unnecessary complications that could have turned the reading experience from enjoyable to confusing and dragging. I appreciated the unconventional flow of the book and found to be very refreshing and it added to the overall enjoyment of the story. Instead of following the typical introduction-climax-conclusion arc, the excitement continued until the last chapter and kept the reader in a state of exhausted suspense as one realizes this is the end of part 1.
The characters, mainly the protagonist, was easy to identify with, a bit feisty, spunky, yet not entirely perfect, which was a relief, since nobody likes a perfect protagonist. The secondary characters were interesting, lively and a welcomed change from most secondary characters I have read in a while.
The narration, done in the first-person singular by the protagonist, is witty, fun, emotional and realistic. It had me smiling, sighing and frowning. The scenic descriptions were impeccably done and added to the specific moods that the narrator tried to create. I can only add a short mentioning of the romance included in the story, otherwise I would give this plot line away, the romantic elements the narrator includes are tastefully done and create a complex combination of moods and emotions that fits perfectly with the overall theme of the story.
Stolen Songbird is a great and epic fantasy story, part adventure, part romance, part coming of age. It is a story that the reader not only reads, but lives, feels and can almost see with their mind's eye. It turned great literary potential into reality and I would recommend it to lovers of fantasy as well as literature.

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